


Exeunt, pursued by a goose

by deepandlovelydark



Category: The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck
Genre: Comedy, Monster of the Week, Snow and Ice, honk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepandlovelydark/pseuds/deepandlovelydark
Summary: Their on-again off-again mining arrangement has its advantages: also its quirks, even its terrors.Such as, say, monsters attracted by very shiny objects.
Relationships: Scrooge McDuck/"Glittering" Goldie O'Gilt
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Exeunt, pursued by a goose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PenguinZero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenguinZero/gifts).



> Yes, this is inspired by untitled goose game.
> 
> Takes place between "The Prisoner of White Agony Creek" and "Hearts of the Yukon."

"This is your fault," Goldie said, arms crossed and looking ready to flay the feathers off me. 

"How am I responsible for a two-ton goose?" The cabin shutters didn't give much of a view, but I could just about peep the monster still skulking outside, hissing to the heavens with less subtlety than an exploding gas main. It trampled an old tin bath into pieces, about as easily as I would have crunched a dry pine cone.

" _Anser_ _gigantus_ love shiny objects, everyone knows that. Showing off that big nugget of yours was bound to attract it!"

"I was trying to haul it in here! You try discreetly hiding that much gold when you're running for your life." I kicked some kindling into the fire, wondering what else my education hadn't prepared me for and whether a torch would be an effective deterrent. Probably not. The sheer quantity of damp down on the beast out there would extinguish anything short of a bazooka.

"Only one thing for it," Goldie said briskly. "We'll have to hand it over-"

"My prize nugget? Perish the thought!"

Sawdust started falling off the ceiling, as the monster thumped the cabin and bawled.

"-or at least convince it that we're offering to," Goldie concluded, smooth as if she was back in her saloon. "Now that can't be done by you, because the goose wants to kill you on sight."

"Agreed on that point, at least."

"But it doesn't know me yet. Now if I went out with the nugget and used it as bait- do you remember that rocky nook we found, near the waterfall?"

"Behind it, rather." Climbing up there was impossible: we'd only found the place by accident when going down, chasing after a glimmer of quartz in the river water. We'd survived, but the canoe and its valuable iron nails sadly hadn't.

"Exactly. I'll lasso a tree just like you did last time, swing in there where it can't follow, and it'll plummet down to the stream below. Then you can pull me back up afterwards. You can even follow me at a safe distance, to make sure I don't run off with your fortune."

Maybe it was the little twinkle in her eye that set me wise; maybe it was the way Goldie seemed so indifferent to the fate of a dumb beast, for which she held a soft spot never bestowed on the miners she so ruthlessly overcharged. "That's not a bad idea...but here's a twist, why don't you make friends with it first? They say there's nothing a rogue fowl loves so much as cooked eggs." I emptied the breakfast scramble into a dull wooden bucket, handed it to her, and pushed her out the door.

The thumping on my cabin stopped. I gave it fifteen seconds and opened the door again.

Goldie was standing in the meadow, still holding the bucket and looking utterly disgusted, while the gigantic goose ruffled its feathers and nuzzled affectionately at the softly tinted ripples of her rich golden hair.

"How did you guess?"

"You tamed a full grown bear and I'm supposed to think you're afraid of a simple goose? Even if it is the size of your saloon."

"Can't fault me for trying, sourdough." She slapped the goose on its rump, affectionately. "Come on, Aura. Time to go find some other miner who's not too cheap to pay for a watchdog goose."

"Wait. I- is that it, you're leaving?" 

"Why? Anything worth staying for? Bags of gold dust that I still don't know where you hide them, perhaps?"

"What if- what if we meet up again. By the waterfall?"

She hummed dubiously.

"To do some more mining? We can be sure that if any gold is left there, we won't have any competition for it thirty feet up."

Goldie considered, absently feeding her goose a handful of rubbery egg. "All right. Be there in two hours, and you bring the pickaxes and supplies. No one will bother us with Aura on guard."

"Done."

There's nothing like good business, to put a spring in your step.

***

If you think a Yukon sunset is a fine thing, it has nothing on the sight of that same sunset dying, as viewed from behind a waterfall spray that shines like cut diamonds. The afterglow is something else, believe you me.

"I suppose," Goldie said, idly poking gold dust from a pan with the aid of a very sharp needle. "I suppose we'll be after trying to slaughter the other one again, tomorrow."

"I'm a miner, not a murderer. What kind of profit would there be for me in getting mixed up with the Mounties?"

"You would have had quite a time convincing any of them not to get involved, if they'd shown up that first month." 

I took an old envelope from my pocket and started scraping Goldie's dust inside, with the aid of a flat flake of quartz. "You were cheating every sourdough in town."

"So was every other hotel owner and general store clerk. Don't try to say I'm a solitary specimen, or that you've suddenly discovered a yen for the impoverished. All that you respect is money and sheer nerve." She yanked the envelope away from me, poured half of the contents into a little glass bottle that went round her neck.

I thought briefly of a castle back in Scotland, half choked with ivy, but held the memory for myself as greedily as any miser. "All right. I'll say to you here and now that I don't have any intention of killing you. Even if you do keep coming after me with the local fauna. I'm sure to face much worse than that, when I make my million."

"Swear it on something that matters to you, if you're going to say it at all."

Her eyes challenged me to get it right.

"On...my goose egg nugget. I promise you."

"Fair enough, sourdough." She tossed the bottle over the cliff edge, watching for my reaction.

I considered jumping after for a moment, but had the sense to hold back. Heavy gold would still be at the bottom of the plunge pool tomorrow morning, if I rose early and nabbed it first. 

Somewhere far below us, the watch goose honked away like a thousand horseless carriages.


End file.
